Drown
by calma-llama
Summary: AU where Makoto drowns after saving Rei in Episode 5 and Nagisa somehow feels responsible for his death.


The air was thick, still and silent.

The sunset was warm.

All in all, it was a very beautiful day.

Nagisa walked down the street, hands buried in his pockets, as he searched for Rei. He hadn't seen him all day, not at school and not at swim practice. It was almost time to...He shook his head, as if it would rid him of that terrible thought. He ambled off the sidewalk, the usual path he took to school when he was with the others, small grains of sand finding their way into his shoes as he approached the setting sun in the distance. He didn't feel like talking today, which was a strange feeling he had never experienced before. The ocean reflected the sky, a brilliant orange fading into purple then black. Every once in awhile, he'd look down the length of the shore as if expecting someone to emerge from the water. Of course, there was no one. Actually, there were others who stared at him. He had to admit, it must've been strange seeing a high school boy dressed in a black suit at the beach in the middle of a blazing summer. He just brushed off their inevitable glares. Everything was quiet, only the slow dragging of his feet moving forward through the sand could be heard.

He saw him, way far off, standing where the sand met the sea. It was the same sight as yesterday and the day before...And every other day since the incident.

Rei looked very small, standing there alone.

It reminded the blonde of the time, almost a week after their return, when they couldn't find him. He and Haruka had searched for him until it was late at night. He called out his name, but he'd hidden himself. He'd hidden himself alone. That's when Nagisa learned that he did this when he was upset. Upset with himself.

His hand lifted out of his pocket, grasping his phone and approached his blue haired friend. He cleared his throat to mark his presence. Rei didn't react. He stayed where he was, unmoving, staring out at the sea and the colors of the sunset, blended and perfect. He shielded his eyes as he stepped closer.

The ocean was alive. The tide was high.

He touched his shoulder with his free hand, gently and hesitantly, his fingers brushing the fabric of his suit. He still refused to meet his gaze. Rather, he pulled away, which was different than all the times before. It was because today was the day they all dreaded the most.

He stood beside him, making sure there was a good distance between them.

Rei was silent. His eyes were cloudy, yet there were no tears. He just stared blankly, lost in his own thoughts with the pulse of the ocean and the warmth of the sun. Nagisa didn't want to ask him what was wrong. It would be a stupid question to say the least. He already knew. There was no need to waste words on that.

He had prepared himself. Every day he'd built walls to brace himself. He knew he'd find his friend and the silence.

Regardless of his expectations, the silence hung in the air, cold and empty, just like everywhere else it seemed. Just like it was in his room last night as he forced his eyes shut and tried to fall asleep.

He'd lain in bed for hours, into the early hours of the day, gazing up into the endless darkness, breathing in the silence. As much as he tried, he could not sleep. He'd shifted, kicked and even had an intent staring contest with his clock, but nothing helped. He'd wondered vaguely if Haruka or Rei had been able to find slumber. He highly doubted it, considering what there were about to face tomorrow.

He didn't bother calling them. He didn't move and it made his stomach hurt and his head spin. He stayed awake until the sun began to peak over the horizon, frustrated and unsure. He knew what the cause was. He didn't feel like himself because he was missing pieces of his heart.

Nagisa then turned to Rei and saw the darkness below his eyes, the tiredness etched into his features. Looks like no one got any sleep last night. Time trudged on slowly.

"You have to stop beating yourself up over this, Rei-chan." He murmured, is voice calm and steady because it was almost time. "There was nothing you can do about it now." He was quiet and still, only his chest moving with every single breath he took in rhythm with the ocean's waves. Lifetimes seemed to pass before he finally spoke. His voiced sounded weak and pained when he spoke to the sunset.

"But I killed him, Nagisa. I killed Makoto."

He knew.

He remembered. It was all too vivid.

The storm had come late in the night. It was raging and loud and the darkness of the night only made it more terrifying. Rei had gone out to get some extra practice before getting swept away by the furious waves. Somehow, Makoto had woken up and sensed that Rei was missing from his side. Without hesitation, even though he feared the ocean's wrath, he dived in. That was the thing, when it came to Makoto.

He would always put himself at risk if it meant keeping his friends safe.

He remembered the way he and Haruka found their bodies spread out on the sand, far down the shore from where their camp was. He remembered the pain in Haruka's voice when he called out to Makoto only to hear the heavy silence that answered. Rei's chest rose and fell, but Makoto's body was unmoving. He remembered the way his friend had finally broken, finally released the sadness when the realization hit him. He remembered the way his friend raced up to Makoto's body and attempted CPR. He felt the sting in his own eyes. He remembered all the tears that were shed.

Makoto Tachibana was lost that night.

It the cruelest way, it was ironic. Funny, almost. Something they held so close to their heart and dedicated most of their free time to had drowned their best friend and swim captain. When they explained the news to Makoto's family, the twins didn't believe it. His parents had tears streaming down their cheeks when they didn't see their son approach with his friends.

It was the most painful feeling in the world. Almost surreal.

The way Haruka cried over Makoto's body and the way Rei had stared off into the distance in disbelief with tears welling in his eyes...Those things would always stick with him.

Rei spoke softly now, stating the fact like it was part of his identity now. "I killed Makoto."

The words burned through the air. His stomach tied itself into knots. He wanted to tell him that he was just being ridiculous, that it wasn't his fault in the slightest...Or course it wasn't his fault. No one could have seen it coming. No one could have prepared for this. He wanted to explain all of this, but only two simple words found their way through his lips.

"It's time."

He extended his hand out to him, his body trembling and weary. Rei examined him blankly, silent, broken...Empty.

"It's gonna be alright. We're here for you. I'm here for you." He said, no higher than a whisper. It was an echo of the words he had said to him the night Makoto drowned. The night Nagisa held Rei close as they both shed tears for their lost friend. Slowly, Rei lifted his arm from his side and reached out to him. He held his hand tightly in his, feeling the silence and the guilt all at once. They started walking to their destination together.

His stomach hurt almost as much as his heart.

They walked slowly, even though it was time, even though he knew that they were going to be late. The ceremony would be long, from Nagisa's understanding of Makoto's family traditions. He didn't mind though, his friend deserved that much.

When they arrived, they stood next to Haruka, far from the casket that no doubt held their beloved friend. Nagisa knew all his preparations would go to waste if he saw Makoto's body now. He'd break down and cry right their beside that casket. The priest began his prayers.

The family stood apart from the rest of the guests. Ran his her face in her father's suit. Ren had tears welling at the corner of his eyes as he grasped his mother's hand. Their mother sobbed silently. Their father held them all, holding his broken family close.

The prayer and the passing of the incense seemed to pass so quickly. Before he knew it, Makoto's family and friends were placing flowers around his head and shoulders, whispering their final goodbyes to the goodhearted boy.

Nagisa felt something against his fingers. He turned to see Rei's hand blindly trying to grab his. His lips were pressed in a hard line and he hadn't spoken a single word. In any other circumstance, he would have said something. Something silly, just to tease him. But he couldn't. Not now. He wordlessly laced his fingers between his and held on tight as they watched Haruka place flowers on the shoulders of his best friend.

Night fell fast, but time was slow as they stood there, waiting. Makoto's casket was closed and carried out to the hearse that awaited him outside.

When all that was left was family and guests, a choir of some sort began to chant. It was strange at first, considering Makoto was already being transported to the crematorium, but Nagisa realized that is must've been a part of the Tachibana's tradition. They had lovely voices that would've lulled him to sleep if it wasn't for Rei squeezing his hand so tightly that he thought he'd lose circulation. The choir's beautiful voices died down and others began to leave.

That was the end.

It was quiet.

Because he was gone.

Nagisa remembered how it used to be, back when it wasn't so quiet and when Makoto was there. He used to fill the silence with his thoughtful advice and caring words. He remembered how he'd always look out for them, even though it was extremely troublesome, especially when it came to restraining Haruka from climbing into any kind of water. He was thankful for someone as loving as Makoto Tachibana. Thankful that he was a part of his life.

Makoto had talked to him that night. The night he had drowned and left them.

_"The stars look beautiful tonight." He'd said, almost scaring Nagisa out of his skin._

_The blonde had been standing outside of his tent, examining the sky. "What are you doing up, Mako-chan? It's quite late and we have training tomorrow."_

_"Well, you're awake. So, I don't see why I can't be. Besides, I'm not used to sleeping in a sleeping bag on the shore of a deserted island." He shrugged._

_Nagisa knew him better than that. "That's not what's really bothering you, isn't it?"_

_Makoto sighed. "Hm, you're right. I guess lying was never really my thing."_

_"What's wrong? I promise I won't tell anyone. Please, tell me! Pretty, pretty please!"_

_"Fine, fine! Just keep your voice down, Rei-chan and Haru-chan are sleeping." He took a long breath. "I...I've always had this fear of water. I know it sounds stupid considering I'm on a swim team and all, but ever since I was little I've always been scared of it. Now that we're here in the ocean, I'm feeling it now more than ever."_

_There was a pause. The wind stirred the nearby plants and the waves lapped softly at the shore._

_"Why didn't you say anything then?"_

_"What?"_

_"Why did you approve of this trip and work so hard to see it happen if you are afraid of the ocean?" Nagisa pressed, more forcefully than he had planned. Nagisa almost never got angry, but knowing his friend pulled something like this just rubbed him the wrong way. Why would he do something so...Stupid? Why would he push himself aside like that?_

_Makoto didn't seem to care, giving him a small smile. "I would never turn down an opportunity to improve our skills as a swim team just because I have some dumb fear of the ocean. Besides, I get to spend some time with my closest friends doing something we all enjoy. Why would I say no?"_

_Nagisa looked him over, unable to believe how selfless their team captain was._

_"We should get some sleep. I suggest you stay inside your tent, it looks like there's a storm approaching."_

He should've done something, right then and there.

He could have insisted on going home, but...He had hesitated. Stuck between what was better for the team and what was better for Makoto.

He could have stayed up just a little longer, long enough to catch Rei sneaking out and persuade him to wait till morning. He could have just accepted the fact that he would sleep in the tent with Rei. Then he could have been the one to stop him. He could have been the one to wake up and not find him there. He could have been the one to save him.

He could have been the one to drown.

He had hesitated.

And now it was quiet.

Later that night, after their best wishes were given to the Tachibana family and after the ceremony was over...Nagisa decided he was done hesitating. It had already cost him so much. He wasn't going to let that happen again. He stopped doubting himself.

Nagisa ran after him, placing a hand on his shoulder once again. Rei turned to look at him, his eyes tired because he was already preparing himself for another long night without even a moment of sleep. He did not hesitate to take his hands. He did not hesitate to look into his eyes. And he did not hesitate to let his tears flow freely.

"Rei. I'm so sorry...Please forgive me. For everything."

His voice sounded weary. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm the one who killed him."

The words burned as they left his throat. "No. You didn't."

He looked at him then and he finally fell apart. Rei finally started to cry. He wrapped his arms around his friend and held him close. It felt like everything was going to be okay. They cried there, in the embrace of darkness for what felt like a long time.

That night, he was able to sleep.

He had a beautiful dream.

_"Hello? Nagisa? Snap out of it!"_

_His eyes fluttered open and he was shocked to find himself in front of a swimming pool. What was even more surprising was the fact that Haruka and Rin were there...And for once, they weren't challenging each other to a race or threatening to outswim each other. They were laughing, grinning and seemed genuinely happy to be beside each other once again._

_"Hey, Nagisa!" His head snapped up to see Rei, eyes narrowed. "Quit spacing out will you? We've got a tournament to practice for."_

_The blue haired boy dived in, leaving the blonde so utterly confused. Confused and...Happy. It was like when they were kids, with the addition of Rei, not caring about anything else in the world but swimming and each other._

_It would have been perfect. But, it was missing something. Someone._

_"Amazing, isn't it?"_

_Nagisa jumped, almost losing his footing on the slippery poolside. His heart nearly stopped when he saw the green eyes looking back at him._

_"M-Mako-chan..."_

_In that very moment, everything was complete. Haruka and Rin had fixed their friendship. Rei had found the confidence to swim. Nagisa was able to experience it all._

_The best part of that dream...Was being able to see him again._

_Makoto was there and he was smiling._

_He was happy._

Nagisa knew everything would be okay.


End file.
